We considered one facet of an abusive system - that is changing the value system from our value in Christ's economy to a false value system based on some proxy. Different abusive systems will place different stumbling blocks in front of the victims from which their value is defined. Mostly those stumbling blocks revolve around providing the abuser a sense of worth.
So, yes, in the RP church, there is an abusive system where the leadership desires recognition of their superior spiritual gifts, their superior theological knowledge and their superior external righteousness. The system is very comfortable for those who play by the unwritten rules, but very uncomfortable for those who don't send the proper warm fuzzies to the leaders and self-deprecate themselves.
But... what tools do RP leaders use to abuse their members? Really, it is the core of the abusive system. Abuse happens because of the corrupted value system, but the abuse itself is defined by taking improper authority to oneself and/or enforcing authority in improper ways.
Let's consider child abuse. A parent tells a child to clean the room. This is well within the rights of the parent. If the child refuses, there are God-appointed mechanisms the parent can use to encourage the child to submit to the proper authority. But... let's say the parent locks the child in a closet for the rest of the day. What would we say to that?
So, here we might say that the parent has a God-appointed right to enforce a family rule - a clean room. But... how the parent enforces that rule goes well beyond scripture and is actually abusive.
I'll avoid parenthood a bit to explain the other facet. Two cyclists were riding side-by-side on a road in Ohio. An Ohio police officer told the riders to ride single file. When they refused, he tried to arrest them and ultimately tasered one of the riders. http://www.ohiobikelawyer.com/uncategorized/2010/07/tasered-cyclist-settles-civil-rights-lawsuit/
In this case, the Ohio Supreme Court ruled that, while officers have the right to arrest and taser if they are properly enforcing the law, the officer was enforcing a law that did not exist (riding single file), and the escalation of the law enforcement was illegal. In other words, if "riding two abreast" was illegal, the officer would have acted appropriately, but since "riding two abreast" was legal, the officer had no right to enforce the law. He was usurping authority.
So, we see here the two facets - abuse being claiming a right that does not exist, and abuse being enforcing a right using improper means.
In the RP church, both these happen regularly. I want to reiterate that not all RP leaders are abusive, but many of those who aren't don't stand against the abuse that happens. They assume that other leaders have a good heart and want the best for their members, not that perhaps those other leaders are upset because they got called out on some sin or have a member who doesn't pat their back as well as the others.
I think we all have examples of how our leaders went beyond their biblical authority, or enforced something in an abusive way. The RP church, of course, denies this simply by waving away many of the boundaries that the leaders should have. In other words, the boundaries do not matter as long as the process followed is correct. If I spank my child for not licking my feet, does the fact that spanking is okay make a difference? Well, not really, but that is the posture the church often takes. Presbytery and Synod generally only overrule in cases where the church is grossly overstepping its bounds or when there is an obvious breach of process. So, the most abusive leaders tend to be the ones who are the best at knowing and following the processes. But, there are sly abusers that can totally ignore the process as long as they can pretend to have a real "heart" for the sinner. Then, they get a pass on ignoring the law and order of the church because they were really trying to do the right thing.
All in all, the RP church is an abusive system that is set up to protect itself and its leaders. There are truly Godly men and leaders in the RP church, but I think they are brainwashed into thinking that their peers are just as Godly. Or they are convinced that unity within the church is more important than justice for an obstinate member. Or whatever. The point is that the abusive system survives because the leaders do not hold each other accountable and they prevent members from holding their leaders accountable. When those members vote with their feet, they slander them behind their backs - they were holding onto some unrepentant sin, they were insubordinate, they didn't value the wonderful RP distinctives. Maybe they were abused over and over and finally got fed up and left.
So, yes, in the RP church, there is an abusive system where the leadership desires recognition of their superior spiritual gifts, their superior theological knowledge and their superior external righteousness. The system is very comfortable for those who play by the unwritten rules, but very uncomfortable for those who don't send the proper warm fuzzies to the leaders and self-deprecate themselves.
But... what tools do RP leaders use to abuse their members? Really, it is the core of the abusive system. Abuse happens because of the corrupted value system, but the abuse itself is defined by taking improper authority to oneself and/or enforcing authority in improper ways.
Let's consider child abuse. A parent tells a child to clean the room. This is well within the rights of the parent. If the child refuses, there are God-appointed mechanisms the parent can use to encourage the child to submit to the proper authority. But... let's say the parent locks the child in a closet for the rest of the day. What would we say to that?
So, here we might say that the parent has a God-appointed right to enforce a family rule - a clean room. But... how the parent enforces that rule goes well beyond scripture and is actually abusive.
I'll avoid parenthood a bit to explain the other facet. Two cyclists were riding side-by-side on a road in Ohio. An Ohio police officer told the riders to ride single file. When they refused, he tried to arrest them and ultimately tasered one of the riders. http://www.ohiobikelawyer.com/uncategorized/2010/07/tasered-cyclist-settles-civil-rights-lawsuit/
In this case, the Ohio Supreme Court ruled that, while officers have the right to arrest and taser if they are properly enforcing the law, the officer was enforcing a law that did not exist (riding single file), and the escalation of the law enforcement was illegal. In other words, if "riding two abreast" was illegal, the officer would have acted appropriately, but since "riding two abreast" was legal, the officer had no right to enforce the law. He was usurping authority.
So, we see here the two facets - abuse being claiming a right that does not exist, and abuse being enforcing a right using improper means.
In the RP church, both these happen regularly. I want to reiterate that not all RP leaders are abusive, but many of those who aren't don't stand against the abuse that happens. They assume that other leaders have a good heart and want the best for their members, not that perhaps those other leaders are upset because they got called out on some sin or have a member who doesn't pat their back as well as the others.
I think we all have examples of how our leaders went beyond their biblical authority, or enforced something in an abusive way. The RP church, of course, denies this simply by waving away many of the boundaries that the leaders should have. In other words, the boundaries do not matter as long as the process followed is correct. If I spank my child for not licking my feet, does the fact that spanking is okay make a difference? Well, not really, but that is the posture the church often takes. Presbytery and Synod generally only overrule in cases where the church is grossly overstepping its bounds or when there is an obvious breach of process. So, the most abusive leaders tend to be the ones who are the best at knowing and following the processes. But, there are sly abusers that can totally ignore the process as long as they can pretend to have a real "heart" for the sinner. Then, they get a pass on ignoring the law and order of the church because they were really trying to do the right thing.
All in all, the RP church is an abusive system that is set up to protect itself and its leaders. There are truly Godly men and leaders in the RP church, but I think they are brainwashed into thinking that their peers are just as Godly. Or they are convinced that unity within the church is more important than justice for an obstinate member. Or whatever. The point is that the abusive system survives because the leaders do not hold each other accountable and they prevent members from holding their leaders accountable. When those members vote with their feet, they slander them behind their backs - they were holding onto some unrepentant sin, they were insubordinate, they didn't value the wonderful RP distinctives. Maybe they were abused over and over and finally got fed up and left.
11 comments:
Hello from an obstinate RP'er
I will soon be leaving the RP denomination - not unscathed but certainly with peace.
Will pray for you. Psalms were the hardest part of walking away for me, but I've gotten so much more reward for that sacrifice.
Yes for me too. I love psalm singing. Thank you for your prayers.
You rant and condemn the RP, but are not willing to identify yourself. You hide behind the cloak of just1sojourner.
I spent a long time trying to effect positive change through the churches I attended. I received abuse in return. Perhaps some day, the cloak can come off, but for now, I can choose to run my blog the way I want to run it.
I find it very RP-like, though, to not actually engage in debate, but instead resort to personal attacks. If you feel better about yourself slinging darts at a bitter ex-RP, so be it. But, at some point, you have to ask yourself whether it's okay to curse me and bless God with the same mouth.
Also, isn't it ironic that you, likewise, hide behind a veil of anonymity? Justin who? I don't really care, because the Internet is about ideas, not personalities. Does it really matter who I am? Instead, why don't you search the scriptures (the real ones, not the RP caricature) and tell me where I'm wrong.
FYI, renamed the website/blog because there is a recoveringrp on Twitter that I didn't want to be associated with.
You have hit every nail on the Proverbial head! I am now one year free of the RP yoke after 25 years of abuse. I have PTSD from the experience and couldn't put a lot of it into words until I read these very enlightening essays.
Thanks for stopping by and blessings on your journey! I'm not healed by any stretch of the imagination, but I found a grace-filled church and it's been a steady improvement.
I needed professional counseling by a licensed counselor (not the Biblical Counseling crap) to even start being able to understand and process how abuse was happening and how it was affecting me.
If you, like me, were born into an RP family, then the wounds are probably much more deep than someone who chose to be RP as an adult. Consider the sorts of parents (fathers) who would willingly join a patriarchal, authoritarian church...
Please understand that there are highly skilled manipulators in this authoritarian group. They prey on people to get them involved. The authoritarianism promised to fathers is not the only carrot they dangle. In our case, it was having a "spiritual father", when the real father had been cruel, alcoholic, and physically abusive. People who were never given any care around their emotions growing up, and who were not loved are very vulnerable to these groups. In our case, we were ideal targets for being manipulated with promises of community, salvation, and all good things. In no way would I want to minimize the experiences of those who were born into the RPCNA. In fact, it is helpful to learn about those experiences. We all benefit from sharing without shame.
My husband wanted the good things that were held out as results of the performative system. That is simply the truth, and we have accepted our role in it, but there is no accountability for those who did the bait and switch, other than places like this blog where the truth is told. And, hopefully, people will leave the abusive influences , which will have an effect eventually.
Thanks for the correction - it's easy to think that I'm in the "worst off" category, but that is also a performance-based trap.
The performance spirituality message is so inviting, and especially when it is wrapped in, I believe, sincere desire to love, it is hard to see the hidden trap. I believe my parents were sincere and loving to those outside the family, but within it was keeping up appearances, authoritarianism, and worse.
I've read that it is very hard for people who were abuse victims to avoid these sorts of traps.
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