RP conversion stories and hidden mental illnesses

In researching some of the "Masterson group" of mental illnesses, I found a very interesting summary in Wikipedia:

In line with stressing the importance of maternal availability, Masterson argued that the personality disorders crucially involve the conflict between a person's two "selves": the false self, which the very young child constructs to please the mother, and the real self. The psychotherapy of personality disorders is an attempt to put people back in touch with their real selves. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_F._Masterson 

This reminded me of many conference campgrounds where we heard testimonies and conversion experiences from RPs who had gone before. The stories would go something like this:

When I was in high school, I had two lives - at home and church I was obedient and godly, but at school and elsewhere, I swore, I hung out with the wrong crowd, I was mean to other students, I cheated on my homework [etc]. I finally came to the point where I needed to decide which me was me, and thanks to Jesus, I was able to decide to be obedient and godly.

Now, we were taught that this was a wonderful conversion experience. Someone had turned from their "[RP] messed up life" and had embraced Jesus and the gospel and had repented and turned back to the righteousness they were taught.

Unfortunately, I think this is more a story of pervasive mental illness. For those who grew up in the RP church, righteousness was about maintaining a perfect image. It was about keeping the outside of the cup clean. While we were taught that the image represented what was in our hearts, people were not concerned about what was in the heart; instead, external righteousness was all that mattered.

I've heard it described as "the wall" - RPs like to portray an impenetrable wall of exterior righteousness, while inside the wall is a person longing to be respected and loved. RP teaching rarely gets at the heart, except to say that whatever is inside "the wall" must be denied and hated so that the wall can be preserved. That is, a child is told that obedience must be "instant, unquestioned, and heartfelt." An RP adult is told the same thing about God and his ordained representatives - pastors and elders. Heartfelt meaning that a person's "real self" emotions are secondary to the authority's "false self" expectations of emotions. Thus, members in the RP church learn quickly that the church is not a safe place for their real self, leading to these behavioral disorders.

Let's look at this another way. As our children grow up, we can either focus on the internal or the external. If we focus on the internal, we are less concerned with the meltdowns and the blow-ups and the external behavior, because we are training tools to deal with the powerful emotions inside. We accept the positive and negative emotions and we help them understand and express those emotions through more and more positive means. If we focus on the external, we are more concerned with the meltdowns and blow-ups and the socially unacceptable behavior, but we are basically telling the children to "bottle up" their powerful emotions. We are telling them it is not okay to be angry, or sad or upset because those lead to unacceptable behaviors.

This can lead to certain behavioral disorders. Masterson studied disorders like Schizoid and Narcissist, which all have to do with the dichotomy between the "real" and "false" self, and I think, both of these types end up being attracted to or developed by the RP church

The Narcissist has a fragile real self, but a strong desire for validation, and seeks it by portraying perfection in the false self. The overt Narcissist does everything for recognition, cannot lose and cannot accept anything but 100% affirmation. The real self, however, is perpetually on the defensive from criticism. The covert Narcissist still wants perfection, but does so by being associated with the right people. They're on a first name basis (real or imagined) with all the top pastors in the denomination and are constantly bending over backwards to ingratiate themselves with those people. Narcissists, especially male Narcissists are going to find a solid home in the RP church. They can rise to church leadership by demonstrating their perfection, and then they receive the affirmation and support they crave by being part of the elite RPs. Especially since the RP church is small, there is more recognition and affirmation than being part of a large denomination or church. The size also helps covert narcissists because it is easier to be known and recognized by an RP celebrity pastor.

The Schizoid has a strong real self and a desire for connection, but finds connection dangerous and exhausting. The Schizoid has buried his emotions because emotions were never acceptable. Like the Narcissist, the Schizoid portrays a perfect false self, but not to get attention. Instead, the Schizoid wants an image of self-reliance. The RP church can encourage Schizoid behaviors by its reliance on rationalism and discouragement of emotions - as they seem more "Charismatic". Schizoids can be attracted to the RP church for the same reasons - the doctrine eschews emotions, the services are plain and dry, the preaching is cerebral.

In this sense, the "dual self" conversion stories represent people who believe they have jettisoned their unrighteous self in the name of Jesus, but have instead repressed that self. We pray that God works on that repressed self to remove the trauma and allow full self-expression, but I think we fear that the "real self" cannot be repressed so easily, and that becomes a significant danger to these people if the self is turned inwards (Schizoid), and to the church if the self is turned outwards (Narcissist).