Being in a legalistic church is initially very comforting. There's a list of dos and don'ts, and as long as you're following the rules and not messing up in obvious ways, you're on your path to Heaven! You read your Bible every day, check. Have family worship, check. Go to church every Sunday, check. If you've given your life to Jesus and you're following the RP rulebook, then things are great, right? As long as I do it with a smile pasted on my face?
Well, that's the wrinkle. NO! You're not great. Every Sunday, your pastor looks at the congregation and wonders why God isn't working mightily among you. He assumes that God isn't working because members are not following the program. So, he preaches "challenging" sermons. "If you really loved God, you would be on your knees in prayer an hour a day. Martin Luther prayed at least four, and look what great things he did! Charles Spurgeon had thousands of people beating down the doors to hear him preach. If we were just a little faithful, look what God would do in our midst!"
But, don't call RP's legalists! See, the RP definition of legalism is trying to earn salvation through works. So, as long as they're truly saved, shoving people back into rule following cannot be defined as legalism. Even if you go through life with a checklist and rulebook on how to live your life, you're not a legalist. See. God saved the Israelites from their sin through grace, so that He could nail them with the Ten Commandments and Deuteronomy!
Yes, I agree that every Christian has room for growth, and yes, we are full of sin. But, our response to God is a result of the grace we have been filled with. God fills our spiritual tanks so that they overflow, and that overflow produces faithfulness and good works. That is not what the RP church teaches. Instead, they teach that we must empty ourselves so that God can fill us back up. In other words, if you're not tithing until your family finances are broken, you're not faithful. If you don't say "yes" to the church leaders even when you know it will impact your family life, you're not faithful. God will not provide you the grace to serve Him unless you wear yourself to the point of exhaustion, or even beyond!
I've seen many burned out leaders and members over the years. There have been deacons who have committed suicide. I think they were on empty, and God wasn't filling them back up. They were told that they couldn't say no and then overwhelmed with the important work of the church.
I'm actually surprised that there aren't more RP suicides. I was taught I was worthless from day one. Somehow, the Seminary forgot to teach pastors that after we are Christians, we have great value to God. Maybe I wasn't there that week. All I heard week in and week out was, do more because you are a worthless maggot in God's eyes. Perhaps if you pray more, read your Bible more, give sacrificially and invite your friends to hear our Godly preacher, you might rise to the level of mostly worthless maggot. People who are more gifted (except for those who are children of leaders, of course) are especially targeted. If someone is a good student or talented in some other way, then the church needs to work extra hard on them to make them feel extra worthless. I considered suicide many times, but now I realize that's what the RP church seems to want. That would prove out everything they've taught - not that I'm an example of RP greatness, but that I didn't give everything because I harbored some selfishness to myself. We all are taught that suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness, which I personally think is bogus. Maybe some people kill themselves as an act of defiance towards those around them, but I think more do it because all the people they respect have maintained an aura of worthlessness and despair.
Through an abusive RP church, my relationship with God has become so damaged that I can only mentally assent that God loves me. That is the truth I grasp onto while I continue to struggle with my worthlessness. I was taught that God was the ultimate disciplinarian. He just twiddles His thumbs all day (or a few milliseconds) until I screw up and then He goes into action making my life miserable until I repent. If God doesn't do it, then it's the responsibility of my parents and my church family to do the job for Him. I struggle with my prayer life because I've not been taught to expect God to do amazing things in my life. So prayer is my last resort, except if I'm repenting of some sin.
Well, that's the wrinkle. NO! You're not great. Every Sunday, your pastor looks at the congregation and wonders why God isn't working mightily among you. He assumes that God isn't working because members are not following the program. So, he preaches "challenging" sermons. "If you really loved God, you would be on your knees in prayer an hour a day. Martin Luther prayed at least four, and look what great things he did! Charles Spurgeon had thousands of people beating down the doors to hear him preach. If we were just a little faithful, look what God would do in our midst!"
But, don't call RP's legalists! See, the RP definition of legalism is trying to earn salvation through works. So, as long as they're truly saved, shoving people back into rule following cannot be defined as legalism. Even if you go through life with a checklist and rulebook on how to live your life, you're not a legalist. See. God saved the Israelites from their sin through grace, so that He could nail them with the Ten Commandments and Deuteronomy!
Yes, I agree that every Christian has room for growth, and yes, we are full of sin. But, our response to God is a result of the grace we have been filled with. God fills our spiritual tanks so that they overflow, and that overflow produces faithfulness and good works. That is not what the RP church teaches. Instead, they teach that we must empty ourselves so that God can fill us back up. In other words, if you're not tithing until your family finances are broken, you're not faithful. If you don't say "yes" to the church leaders even when you know it will impact your family life, you're not faithful. God will not provide you the grace to serve Him unless you wear yourself to the point of exhaustion, or even beyond!
I've seen many burned out leaders and members over the years. There have been deacons who have committed suicide. I think they were on empty, and God wasn't filling them back up. They were told that they couldn't say no and then overwhelmed with the important work of the church.
I'm actually surprised that there aren't more RP suicides. I was taught I was worthless from day one. Somehow, the Seminary forgot to teach pastors that after we are Christians, we have great value to God. Maybe I wasn't there that week. All I heard week in and week out was, do more because you are a worthless maggot in God's eyes. Perhaps if you pray more, read your Bible more, give sacrificially and invite your friends to hear our Godly preacher, you might rise to the level of mostly worthless maggot. People who are more gifted (except for those who are children of leaders, of course) are especially targeted. If someone is a good student or talented in some other way, then the church needs to work extra hard on them to make them feel extra worthless. I considered suicide many times, but now I realize that's what the RP church seems to want. That would prove out everything they've taught - not that I'm an example of RP greatness, but that I didn't give everything because I harbored some selfishness to myself. We all are taught that suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness, which I personally think is bogus. Maybe some people kill themselves as an act of defiance towards those around them, but I think more do it because all the people they respect have maintained an aura of worthlessness and despair.
Through an abusive RP church, my relationship with God has become so damaged that I can only mentally assent that God loves me. That is the truth I grasp onto while I continue to struggle with my worthlessness. I was taught that God was the ultimate disciplinarian. He just twiddles His thumbs all day (or a few milliseconds) until I screw up and then He goes into action making my life miserable until I repent. If God doesn't do it, then it's the responsibility of my parents and my church family to do the job for Him. I struggle with my prayer life because I've not been taught to expect God to do amazing things in my life. So prayer is my last resort, except if I'm repenting of some sin.
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