A recent post reminded me how much legalistic religious systems struggle with spiritual abusers and other narcissists. He claims that they are "cut from the same cloth" and offers how they are similar.
Similar roots of legalism and narcissism
The root of narcissism seems to come down to striving to maintain a 'perfect' external image, but being caught in a shame loop of the internal life not matching that image. Narcissists will first try to hide the shame, but when caught, they may externalize that internal shame by deflecting it towards others. "I wouldn't have raged if you hadn't..." or "You didn't explain why I needed to be home on time and that's why I went partying with my friends instead of visiting with your parents." Narcissists also poison any potential allies of those they are abusing so that an abused wife or child won't be believed if they seek help. "Oh, your father warned me that you like to make up malicious lies about him."
In the same way, legalistic church systems have to deal with the discrepancy between the aura of perfection and what actually happens within the doors. The celebrity pastor who is loved by all might be sending inappropriate texts to women in his congregation. The church is then caught with internal "shame" in the same way. Maybe they try to silence women who come forward by accusing them of gossip, or calling them a tool of Satan to destroy the pastor's ministry. If these women go to the press, again, they are labeled tools of Satan. The church is told that Satan is attacking the pastor, and DARVO is used as a tool to protect the poor minister.
Within a legalistic system, even accusations of sin take on a life of their own for similar reasons. Each individual wants to appear righteous. Some have described it as a "mask" that we wear. When someone is confronted with the shame of some sin, the same defense mechanisms can come into play. Maybe we deny it, or maybe we deflect it by charging other people of worse sins.
The post, and other articles I've read, point to the solution. First of all, legalistic systems arise because we judge by some relativistic standard. We want our sins to be no big deal and others' sins to be serious and significant. Yet, we know that all sin is deserving of condemnation, AND, we know that all sin can be forgiven and restored through Jesus. In our legalistic systems, we refuse to see people how Jesus sees them and instead we want to apply essentially the ridiculous standard that "us" is better than "them" and "might makes right" - those in spiritual authority should be judged less harshly due to their position.
Instead of inviting real people and their real problems to church, we say, "Welcome to the RPCNA, here's your mask! If you take the mask off we will reject you!"
Attracting spiritually abusive members and leaders
A legalist or narcissist walks into a legalistic church and instantly recognizes the system in play. Maybe they have different approaches. The narcissist wants to use the legalistic system to protect himself from scrutiny, while the legalist just recognizes that they can put on the same old mask and stay in comfort.
This is troubling because the legalistic system is already designed to protect the wolves. Legalistic churches will clamp down on any truth-telling, calling it gossip. Then, because "sin" is such an offensive thing to accuse someone of, there will be immediate scrutinizing of any accusations. The wolves know that they just have to play the game for a little while to get on the session, and then the boundless resources of the church will circle round to protect them.
It's easy to imagine a situation like Keith Magill. First, he illegally hid sexual abuse committed by a member by failing to call CPS and not telling other session members. When this is uncovered, no apparent action is taken against him, other than a letter from his former church. Then he is part of the coverup. And I say coverup because in Indiana a pastor is required to IMMEDIATELY inform CPS of suspected abuse. A school principal's conviction was upheld when he delayed reporting by four hours - https://www.in.gov/icsb/files/Duty-to-Report.pdf It's not surprising in a legalistic and narcissistic religious system to see person after person following the DARVO process to protect the powerful and portray whistleblowers and concerned members as tools of Satan.
1 comment:
Maybe it would be helpful to try and define narcissistic abuse vs. other forms of abuse. Abuse is going to come from a perspective of treating someone in a disrespectful way to get something that the abuser would ordinarily have no right or power to get.
So, something like using a gun to rob a store is abusive. A robber has no right to the contents of the cash register, but the gun creates and abusive power imbalance.
Narcissistic abuse is similarly trying to get something without having a right to it, but the power imbalance is created by shaming or demeaning the other person to believe that they deserve disrespectful treatment, or believing that they have no recourse to the disrespectful treatment.
This type of abuse coexists well within a legalistic (shame-based) religious context, because the legalistic system already sets people up to disrespect lay members (even themselves), and respect church leaders. A narcissistic tweak to "honoring" church leaders gives them philosophical justification to abuse in many respects.
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