Growing up RPCNA in a "core" family meant that we were immersed in the culture from a young age. We knew that good kids sat quietly in the pew and listened to the message. It was okay to have something to keep our hands busy, but silence was a must. At home, we critiqued various aspects of our church experience. It might be theological flaws in the sermon, or the discussion at presbytery that came to a decision without any logical rationale just based on emotion and a few persuasive pastors.
In a sense, we were not an "A-list" RP family, but we were well-known. It was good that I wasn't popular enough to be selected for the presbytery youth leaders or asked to speak or be a counselor at a presbytery youth camp.
Even then, my sense of my own relationship with God was heavily tied to what, in retrospect, was a inseparable blend of integrity, works righteousness, and reputation management. So, the most "assured" I felt was when I went to all the church events, tithed, read my Bible and prayed every day, and pretty much tried to "keep my nose clean" as my current pastor associates with lackluster Evangelicalism.
What I realize now is that in the authoritarian system. My authority - father, pastor, session - functionally replaced my need for relationship with my Father. So, keeping up on my spiritual disciplines and being a "nice Christian" got smiles from my church, and thus, I must be okay with God.
Much of my struggle since I left the RP church was in first recognizing that those authorities were not stand-ins for God. I needed to have a relationship with God, and as I pursued that relationship, I realized that those stand-ins for God were spiritually abusive, and, as a result, my view of God was also spiritually abusive. Not only did I have very little of a relationship with God, but as I discovered what I wanted in a relationship, it was completely uncharted territory. I was a Christian in the sense that I recognized my sin and prayed for Jesus to forgive it and lead me, but much of my experience was a poisoned view of who Jesus was, what he wanted from me, and especially who my Father and the Holy Spirit were.
One of the hardest things right now is picturing my Father with a smile on his face, and seeing how he will make me more "valuable" to the kingdom as my body loses it's strength, my mind loses it's edge and my emotions are worn by the constant battering of the evil in this world. What if I never get over the picture of God as the perfectionistic narcissist the RPCNA taught and exemplified?
I think of this picture when there was a Facebook discussion about children in worship. On one hand, "of course God wants children in worship", but then comments come out about how it's really not acceptable for those children to, well, be children. So, then we see just what Jesus was rejecting when he said, let the children come to me! The people who want only adults in the service. It's okay if they're six month old adults or three year old adults or even middle-school-aged adults, but they better act like adults because... well, I guess God is not pleased when children act like... children... in his presence.
One of the "this is the church where I can learn about God" moments happened pretty early on. My kids were, I guess, testing the boundaries of what was appropriate at my new church. They were drawing and giggling a bit, and couldn't keep still. I was completely frustrated because at any RP church, there would have been the intense pressure of the many furled brows wondering why I wasn't controlling my family. After the service a woman who was sitting behind us, and most likely the one who would have been the most offended by my children's behavior, made a point of telling us how wonderful it is that we bring our children with us into the service and how much she loves seeing children being children. It was completely the opposite of what I would have expected hearing in the RP church. RPs would be sure to remind me about the nursery, cry room, or "training" room as some churches have, where children don't have to be physically removed from the sanctuary to get swatted when they get the wiggles.
For you ex-RPs, I wonder, how has that journey been for you from thinking you're a top tier Christian as an RP to, I guess, the awakening that the so-called "God" you served all your life was a horrible caricature of the real God. In a sense, as much as I want to rid myself of the false idol and get to know the true creator and his love for me, it seems that everything is poisoned against that.
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My heart grieves for your experience. Sadly, this is not just an RP problem. It is an American Evangelical problem. Shiny, happy people. Put together Christianity. Bootstrapping. This clouds and distorts the Gospel of the Broken. That is to say the Gospel is for the broken. And the Gospel is rooted in the Broken - “this is my body, broken for you.” What a wonderful God who would say to rebels that “you may be part of my kingdom, nay you may be my sons and daughters.” He comes to us not in our righteousness, but in our utter unrighteousness and loves us through it. The empty hand of faith reaching out to a God who fills it beyond measure. No, this Father does not require the perfect, He makes perfect. He does not require that His love be earned, but that it be accepted. He does not shine his countenance on the “deserving” ones who have worked hard enough and garnered enough status and merit, but on the wholly undeserving (but valued in that undeservedness) whom He sees with value beyond measure.
Part of the wisdom I've received from my path through life is actually understanding the abusive system. I nearly left when I was in college because of a situation with my RP classmates, and maybe I would have escaped a lot of abuse, but I doubt I would have the perspective on it that I have now, and I don't regret that.
Someone pointed out a really good article https://medium.com/@katherineheline/the-emotional-price-of-spanking-f1df6f4e4b85 that is primarily about Doug Wilson, but I think there are some really important themes that are in common with authoritarian churches:
- The idea that the full experience of emotion, not just negative emotions like sadness, but also joy, is somehow un-Christian
- The idea that external behavior must be perfect or disciplined (the topic of this article)
- How church leaders must portray those outside the church as worse than what has obviously happened in the church (it will be interesting to see how sermons will portray non-RP churches as worse than IRPC)
- How the authoritarian church destroys peoples' ability to say no
- All tied into the mantra of authoritarians, including spanking, that they are only punishing/hurting us for our own good
I think it’s safe to say you’ve developed some complexes about particular issues as a result of your upbringing and time in this RP church. Complexes are a result of things not dealt with in a healthy way. I’m very sympathetic- indeed empathetic- to this and all things, but we must deal in truths if we have any hope of healing. You may have come out of the RP church, but it has not come out of you. It is increasingly hindering you in life, in your heart and mind. Christ would that our minds be renewed, and our hearts transformed. Christian’s - real Christian’s- have hearts growing and brimming with love and grace; we have minds growing and constantly renewed with wisdom. We are not friends of this world, taking on their causes and flocking to those who write and carry their objectives. Spanking is not a sin, but many who spank sin in the act. The issue is the heart. I could point you to the scriptures on this, but if that were the remedy you wouldn’t have this complex. The same goes with the other subject you tout: sexuality averse to the scriptures, pastorship according to the scriptures, the heart of God with avoiding the divisions and evil of the race-baiting, etc. You are wounded but not comforted, afflicted and not yet healed and transformed…for if you were you would have a clear separation in your mind and heart between the sins committed by others and the Word of the living God. The enemies of your enemies have become your friends- and this gives you temporary, albeit false comfort and purpose. But God is not fooled. We cannot and dare not if we love and fear God continue in this madness of championing the causes of division and every evil thing in this present darkness. Get with God alone and heal and build your relationship with Him! These legitimate angers about the RP pharisaical charlatans have corrupted your own thinking and poisoned your own heart to see between what’s evil and what is of God.
The real racists? God will deal with them.
The real misogynists? God will deal with them.
The real child abusers? God will deal with them.
Etc.
We can help the abused- rescue them even! But we do not as sincere Christian’s allow the abuses of the RP dregs and others of their sort poison our own moral and spiritual compass with a 180 from false Christianity to demonic agendas!! Speak up, Christian’s, wherever ye may be heard! We do not accept heresy in exchange for heresy! What is happening sir is you have allowed yourself to steadily be pushed down the hill of all sense and Christian legitimacy- Egypt you have left but it has not come out of you! Seek Christ, Christ alone!!
The RP church has judgment coming! It is already at the door! We must take responsibility for our own souls!! They do not destroy anything without our consent! We dare not accuse them of not taking responsibility while we refuse to take responsibility to our own backsliding in response to sin! Sin in response to sin! Do you not know now that every sin against us is the devil’s gambit to rolling us down the same hill as the one who sinned against us? Repent and experience the real and relentless love of a Holy God- a God who is not RP, nor any identity fathomed by man!
I disagree, and I would challenge you on how you're approaching this:
- You start by questioning my mental state. Yes, I may have damage to heal and I may have trauma affecting my thoughts, and I acknowledge that, but that does not mean I'm somehow a knuckle-dragging neanderthal.
- You do not acknowledge any prejudices or biases in your own thoughts. You carry baggage, too, and you refuse to acknowledge that your baggage affects your beliefs. I would say, I've left the RP church, and most likely, you haven't, in any real sense. Same beliefs, different venue.
- You then proceed to 100% argue from your authority. (What authority do you have?) 0% scripture, 0% rational logical argumentation. 100% talking out of your butt about what I should believe and then attaching your butt to God as if God has used you as his mouthpiece.
"Spanking is not a sin" - Despite the fact that spanking proponents like to claim that the "rod of correction" is literal and not figurative, it's not a compelling case and I find the literal/figurative hermeneutic ultimately comes down to baptizing our predispositions. "Holy Kiss = figurative" "having children who believe = figurative", "do not permit a woman to teach = literal" You see how even the words of the Bible can be twisted to fit ones preconceived notions. I don't believe spanking was productive for me and I don't think it helped my kids, either. Scientific studies (although I've not read them at this point) say that spanking is neutral to negative. Neutral if done "in love" and negative more often.
As I have said, and you steadfastly refuse to engage in dialogue, the Bible endorses slavery in much the same way it endorses patriarchy. Yet... the church has uniformly rejected slavery. The Bible says, "neither slave nor free, neither male nor female" in the spiritual economy, yet the patriarchs want to say that women are spiritually inferior. In addition to slavery, the Bible also forbade "meat sacrificed to idols". The church has uniformly rejected dietary restrictions. So, we see a new literal/figurative - style hermeneutic, that of "temporary cultural restriction vs. permanent ordinance". So, slavery was a temporary cultural restriction. Forbidding meat sacrificed to idols was a temporary cultural restriction, but patriarchy is a permanent ordinance.
So, I'm sure I need to repent, but I think you do to, of:
- Still grasping at the RP sense of moral and Biblical superiority and treating others as inferior
- Still grasping at promoting patriarchy even though it is part of the curse
- Claiming to speak for and on behalf of God
What Anonymous and many others refuse to accept is that there is indeed a systemic problem in the mentality and theology of the RP and NAPARC churches. Instead he is “all good” if they change venues but hold on to same systemic beliefs. So to paint this narrative that the Battered Sheep perspective is somehow just bitter, ,etc etc. is rather pathetic.
This doesn’t address the real issue and is a justification for the bad behavior, systemic beliefs and theology in these churches.
NAPARC represents 1 tenth of one percent of Christians worldwide. Yet the high degree of confidence (arrogance) held in firmly believing they got it all figured out is just flat out staggering. As if all thought in Christendom is monolithic and they are the sole arbiters of truth. Largely irrelevant in the impact to a broader world, but self important in their tiny echo chamber/ holy huddle of superiority. Doesn’t even pass the giggle test let alone the credibility test.
Even when their churches do “grow” it is 9 times outta 10 just a reshuffling of the deck (members transferring from one hyper-authoritarian church to another) more than it is a net growth for the Kingdom. Breeding is the largest way NAPARC grows. An inconvenient truth for them, but the truth nonetheless.
I think church growth is a "No True Scotsman" - style argument. If our church grows it's because we're serving Jesus. If the "other" church grows it's because they're ear-tickling. Likewise, if the "other" church loses members it's because God is judging them, but if our church loses members it has nothing to do with something we're doing wrong.
As much as I'd like to say that RP church growth is solely ear-tickling those who are already authoritarian patriarchs and cultural conservatives, even though I feel it explains a lot, I can't make a logical argument that it's the sole reason for their membership.
One of the things I want to highlight here is the power of the tribal echo chamber. I wish there were a better term because I feel that term is more of a box. There are those of us (I was one in my past) who only rub shoulders with those of similar religious and socio-economic systems. We understand the forces at play in our systems, and assume that other systems work the same. It's not true. Maybe white male middle-class protestants are in a meritocracy, but that is not true for the upper and lower classes, and it is not true for women or minorities. The truisms we go by (hard work = success, treat authorities with respect and you'll be treated with respect) and even corresponding interpretations of the Bible from our socioeconomic context are coupled with the group of people we rub shoulders with.
The church is supposed to transcend culture, but instead, what we see is that denominations are likely more coupled to culture and ethnicity as they are to some theological construct.
And that is what chord you strike when you say something like "developed some complexes". It, unfortunately, says more about you than me. Your religious system is reserved for hard working, middle class, non-abused people with no emotional baggage. So, someone like me with emotional baggage is, by your standard, non-Christian. Your system has no place for such "non-Christians" as poor minorities or the oppressed or those with baggage. Maybe they can join, but after 3-12 months, if they are still holding onto their "bitterness", it's time for church discipline. When the NAPARC churches no longer have room for the bitter and oppressed, they find churches like mine that are full of sick people who need a doctor, not the righteous who have no need.
Not the sole reason. However, the Lion share of “new members” into NAPARC churches are either A. Transferring from other NAPARC or very like minded environments or B. Come from kids who have grown up there and now becoming members as adults. In the decades I spent between the RP and other NAPARC denoms it was very rare to see a brand new Christian / a new convert out of the shoots coming as a new member into the RP or NAPARC as a net growth to the Kingdom. Not saying it never happened, but the vast majority of the time it simply is not the case.
That's my experience in the RPCNA as well. A few new converts, but the majority born RPCNA or transferred. The transfers were mostly because of some newfound theological conviction or frustration with feel-goodism in their previous church.
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