RP grace is a red hot coal... the theology of suffering

A few weeks ago, someone related how an RP pastor dealt with the complaint that the RP church lacked 'grace'. His explanation of grace was through the eyes of Isaiah, who, in chapter 6 views the throne room. Grace, in that instance was the red hot coal that was touched to Isaiah's mouth. The image of that is the searing pain which purifies Isaiah's lips.

Interestingly, neither Calvin, nor Henry, in their commentaries feel the necessity to talk about pain - it was not until adulthood that I heard the theory that somehow the coal had seared Isaiah's mouth. Henry says: 

Here is, A comfortable sign given to the prophet of the purging away of his sin. The seraph brought a live coal from the altar, and touched his lips with it, not to hurt them, but to heal them—not to cauterize, but to cleanse them... [emphasis mine]

Calvin says:

And applying it to my mouth. We see how God condescends to meet the weakness of human sense. He puts the tongs into the hand of a seraph, that by means of it he may take a coal from the altar and apply it to the Prophet's mouth. This was, no doubt, done in vision; but by the aid of the outward sign God assisted the Prophet's understanding.

So, why would the RP church want to claim that searing pain is, in fact, gracious?

I believe it has to do with the theology of suffering. For example, Joel Beeke says:

If righteous Jesus had to suffer so much to learn obedience, how much more do we need to suffer in order to purge away our sins and grow in his likeness?

and

Therefore, preach to your people a theology of suffering that places all our trials in the hands and will of a loving Father. Hebrews 12 teaches us to view our sorrows, even the persecutions of wicked men, as part of God’s fatherly discipline

https://www.crossway.org/articles/the-importance-of-preaching-the-theology-of-suffering/

While I do believe that suffering and discipline are important aspects of the Christian walk, I don't believe that they are the single lens through which life should be viewed. For as much as learning comes through suffering and discipline, it also comes through joy and gladness. Yes, God is a stern king and awesome ruler, yet, he is our daddy! He runs to his prodigal son! He wants to protect us from our enemies! He sings over us. He leads us to still waters and gives us rest!

Jesus said that God desires mercy and not sacrifice. It was the Pharisees that expected suffering.

How does this play out?

Evangelism... RPs believe that suffering and discipline are the keys to repentance. The believe is that God can only be found at the end of someone's rope. Therefore, we witness to people by shoving their face in their sin and misery and perhaps, if they don't recognize it, being a demonstration of God's justice. Imagine the surprise when Jesus 'hung out' with the religious outcasts!

Adoption... This is perhaps the least emphasized doctrine - as it places us in God's family and assures us of his ongoing love, favor, mercy, grace and all those other things that RPs are scared will not produce adequate righteousness in light of fear. Grace is that we are siblings and friends of Jesus and rightful children.

Sanctification... This is where RPs point out the suffering and discipline aspects of sanctification and not, for example, the Spirit-led insight. I enjoyed much of school. I enjoyed learning sports. I enjoyed working beside mentors.

It shouldn't be surprising, therefore, when someone walks into an RP worship service and finds a scene that could just as easily be at a funeral.