Some who read my blog are still in the RP church and some have left. I left the RP church for somewhat selfish reasons. I had this thought that I had gifts to be used for the church, but the RP church steadfastly rejected everything I had to offer. I wanted to find a church where people felt freedom to express their joy in worship and where leadership wasn't a group of people who had to maintain their superiority over the commoners.
What I found was far more. Yes, I found a group of people who expressed freedom and joy in worship, but I was introduced to a different God. It took me leaving Psalmody to find that the Psalms, for RPs seem to be checking some sort of box. How does David get to complain to God when we must approach God with our prayers arranged? How does David get to say that God has forsaken and abandoned him when RPs would be afraid of being struck by lightning at such heresy?
My first brush with the God who is willing to hear my complaints was a sermon series on Ruth. The pastor talked about how Naomi modeled strong spirituality when she acknowledged her bitterness and brought it before God. That was not what I heard from RP pulpits. Those pastors said that Naomi was spiritually weak and on the verge of apostasy because she was bitter. Over time, I learned of a God who wasn't an iron-fisted narcissist, smiting those who dared bring petty grievances and low-minded complaints before his holy, royal throne. I learned of a God who wanted to be near us when we were happy, near us when we were sad and near us when we were so angry we wanted to punch a hole in a wall. And not just about the "stuff", but even when we were angry or happy or said with HIM!
Honestly, my first response was anger. I was angry that he allowed me to grow up in a church and home that abused me in his name. I was angry that my family and friends willingly chose to be domineered by church leaders to keep their relationships and worship style. I was sad that there was a huge gulf between the people I grew up with and those I met through the church that will probably never be fixed in this life.
Over time, though, I realized how much this hateful caricature of God is so central to abusive and narcissistic Christianity. Our leaders cannot be compassionate because their God is not compassionate. Our leaders cannot overlook petty grievances because their God cannot overlook petty grievances. They cannot join hands with other Christians who see things even slightly differently because their God cannot overlook even the slightest error. It also affects how RPs approach doctrine. In a sense, because God is narcissistic and abusive, there is the opposite consideration than Ockham's razor. Instead of the simplest explanation being the correct one, it's more like the explanation that is the biggest stretch ends up being the one the theologians latch onto. For example, it isn't enough to to agree on the essentials of communion. First, the elements must be scrutinized. Is non-fermented grape juice really obeying God? What about leavened bread? Then the participants must be divided. Is it available to all Christians or only NAPARC members? Finally, even the circumstances become elements. Is it okay for members to be served in their pews or must they come to a table? This might be passed off as "best practice", but those who have taken stands on the various issues are really saying that other practice is tainted by disobedience and bearing some amount of brow furrowing by our creator. Is that really the God we serve? The God of furrowed brows? The Father I serve is the one who ran to me when I was far off and welcomed me back as a son even though I smelled of pig manure. The RP God would never do that. Only the pure can come, and even then, one drop of unfermented wine is enough to be rejected.
I can't say that my relationship with God the Father has been miraculously fixed, but I at least conceptually understand that he is not the abusive father the RP church portrayed him to be. I can look to Jesus and see that Jesus doesn't act in the way that the RP God acts, and if Jesus is in perfect harmony with the Father, how could he act in opposition? If Jesus touches the unclean, how does the Father reject them? If Jesus defends the adulteress, how does the Father condemn her? It doesn't make sense! A house divided against itself cannot stand.
Said plainly, Jesus did not act the way God the Father is portrayed by RPs. When Jesus talks about the Father, he combines justice with compassion and mercy. The God of the Sabbath does not hold the Regulative Principle above the disciples' need to eat. Jesus shows warmth to those who are given the cold shoulder in society, and he is often cold towards those who are honored.
