Background:
I read it in a comment and I experienced it myself. Dana was a happy, cheerful and devoted RP. Now she has been arrested and charged with Child Endangerment. Her husband Paul has additionally been charged with first-degree rape.
The story that the preliminary charges tell: Paul raped a child and Dana stood by and did nothing to stop it. https://www.examiner.org/belle-center-couple-charged-in-alleged-child-sex-abuse-case/
How do two lifelong [I believe] RPs wind up in such a horrible situation? I believe it falls squarely on the shoulders of narcissistic pastoring and Complementarianism. For Paul, the message was one of entitlement and lack of responsibility, and for Dana, it was sacrifice and culpability.
Let's first talk about male entitlement within comp. theology. Males are in a hierarchical relationship above women. Generally, all males and all females, but more specifically, husbands and wives. The "superior" in a hierarchy is assumed to be superior in all ways (morally, intellectually, spiritually) unless proven otherwise, and the inferior is assumed to be inferior unless proven otherwise. Likewise, the "needs" of the superior trump the "needs" of the inferior.
We can read this in complementarian books all the time. The man's need for respect trumps any desire the woman might have for any of her needs. The man's need for sex trumps any rights the woman has to say no, to heal, to have her own desires. And, when men's needs are not satisfied, the woman is blamed for what results - abuse, neglect, adultery, even incest!
In pure complementarian theology, the last time the woman has a real right to say no is at the altar, and even then there is intense pressure to say yes (because he is superior unless proven otherwise!)
Pursuit:
Pursuit is a common theme in abusive marriages. Women talk about being swept off their feet. No extravagance was spared while dating. He was always there to meet every need, answer every call. The man worships the ground she walks on.
Paul moved to Belle Center, I believe, for the sole purpose of pursuing Dana. It took a long time - at first it was "absolutely not" (I've heard this before, as well), but over time, and with presumably superior pastoral insight from Pastor Phil Pockras, she eventually said "yes".
Even the marriage was a red flag. Apparently, he couldn't wait a couple of months for the wedding they were planning, so they got a few witnesses and Pastor Phil Pockras married them on the spot. I'm not even sure if parents were able to make it.
Pastor-sanctioned abuse:
It would be one thing if Paul whisked Dana away from any oversight (this happens sometimes in Muslim/American marriages where the wife is taken to Saudi Arabia and trapped in their Sharia law). But no! Paul buys a house directly across the street from Pastor Phil Pockras. Paul, a hard-working builder and architect left their house in shambles while he went off to fix other peoples' houses.
It shocked me that they never moved away from Belle Center. He had an architecture job that presumably paid a living wage, but it was far away, so he gave it up (instead of moving away from Pastor Phil Pockras) and chose hourly/day labor jobs that barely paid the bills. According to comments, Dana had to work as well to make ends meet.
Again, my belief is that the constant comp. preaching and demeaning of women/wives that happened at Belle Center trapped Dana in a financially, spiritually and emotionally abusive marriage. Second-hand, I heard that she described abusive things, and when she was asked whether it was okay to be treated that way, well, she probably deserved it. That's the message coming from the pulpit.
Entitled rape:
This is entirely speculation, but it is not unprecedented. In Sovereign Grace Ministries, there's "Taylor's story" where her husband is raping their 10-year-old daughter. The husband is offered grace, while the wife and daughter are blamed for their "part" in the situation. The wife is told not to report the rape to the police, to be available (male entitlement) for her husband and lock their daughter's bedroom.
In the SGM situation, the comp. culture of the church, the leaders and all their friends led her to believe she was doing the best thing by staying silent and respecting her husband's needs.
And, this is the persistent story in complementarianism. The male needs sex. If he is not satisfied, it is primarily the fault of his wife. She needs to lose weight, go to the gym, get some work done, or generally do whatever she can to be attractive enough to satisfy him.
Given that they lived across the street from the pastor, I'm sure she has been the target of shaming because of her "role" in all this.
What's next?
I pray that in their situation, she wakes up. If Pastor Phil Pockras has been supporting this sham of a marriage for 15+ years and probably blaming her for not being submissive and available enough, she needs to divorce him, take the kids and find a better life. There is nothing but shame left in the RPCNA for her.
She did not bring this upon herself. She was repeatedly victimized and abused by those who should have most modeled the freedom and love of Jesus, but instead, she was trapped and abused.
Like SGM and Piper, Pockras will dissociate himself from any wrongdoing as a result of his cultic and toxic teachings and will continue to play the sympathy card.
Yet - it's a catch-22 for him if someone looks carefully enough - If he couldn't provide pastoral oversight to the family living across the street, he's incompetent. If he provided that pastoral oversight, then why is the husband charged with rape and the wife with child endangerment, and the house in shambles? I believe the most accurate picture of Phil Pockras's pastoral legacy is the view across the street.
