Q. 124. Who are meant by father and mother in the fifth commandment?
A. By father and mother, in the fifth commandment, are meant, not only natural parents, but all superiors in age and gifts; and especially such as, by God’s ordinance, are over us in place of authority, whether in family, church, or commonwealth.
Q. 125. Why are superiors styled father and mother?
A. Superiors are styled father and mother, both to teach them in all duties toward their inferiors, like natural parents, to express love and tenderness to them, according to their several relations; and to work inferiors to a greater willingness and cheerfulness in performing their duties to their superiors, as to their parents.
Q. 127. What is the honour that inferiors owe to their superiors?
A. The honour which inferiors owe to their superiors is, all due reverence in heart, word, and behaviour; prayer and thanksgiving for them; imitation of their virtues and graces; willing obedience to their lawful commands and counsels; due submission to their corrections; fidelity to, defence, and maintenance of their persons and authority, according to their several ranks, and the nature of their places; bearing with their infirmities, and covering them in love, that so they may be an honour to them and to their government.
Q. 128. What are the sins of inferiors against their superiors?
A. The sins of inferiors against their superiors are, all neglect of the duties required toward them; envying at, contempt of, and rebellion against, their persons and places, in their lawful counsels, commands, and corrections; cursing, mocking and all such refractory and scandalous carriage, as proves a shame and dishonour to them and their government.
Q. 129. What is required of superiors towards their inferiors?
A. It is required of superiors, according to that power they receive from God, and that relation wherein they stand, to love, pray for, and bless their inferiors; to instruct, counsel, and admonish them; countenancing, commending, and rewarding such as do well; and discountenancing, reproving, and chastising such as do ill; protecting, and providing for them all things necessary for soul and body: and by grave, wise, holy, and exemplary carriage, to procure glory to God, honour to themselves, and so to preserve that authority which God hath put upon them.
Q. 130. What are the sins of superiors?
A. The sins of superiors are, besides the neglect of the duties required of them, and inordinate seeking of themselves, their own glory, ease, profit, or pleasure; commanding things unlawful, or not in the power of inferiors to perform; counseling, encouraging, or favouring them in that which is evil; dissuading, discouraging, or discountenancing them in that which is good; correcting them unduly; careless exposing, or leaving them to wrong, temptation, and danger; provoking them to wrath; or any way dishonouring themselves, or lessening their authority, by an unjust, indiscreet, rigorous, or remiss behaviour.
This is a long quote, mainly so that it doesn't look like it is taken out of context. There are four significant issues with this teaching. The primary one is a sin of omission, and the remainders are sins of commission.
1) The most notable omission is the lack of any talk about abuse and abusers. Abuse is taking upon yourself authority not granted, or exercising granted authority using inappropriate means. It is also called "domineering". For example, elders are told not to Lord it over the flock. Jesus states that a defining character of gentile leaders is domineering and told his disciples that they are not to be that way.
So, why is the omission of domineering so crucial to the teaching of the fifth commandment? Since the RPCNA follows the Westminster standards, the omission has invaded in many ways when superior/inferior relationships are taught. Because we ignore the sin of domineering and abuse, we don't teach them. When we don't teach them, people think that they don't exist, and when people don't think they exist, then when sheep are domineered, they turn a blind eye, or even applaud. For example, the session that ruthlessly goes after a wayward member is rewarded for "the marks of a true church". When the member complains about the abusive treatment, the congregation rallies around the leaders and ignores the member or worse, says that the member deserved the harsh treatment because of his waywardness. No one ever deserves abuse. Jesus was harsh towards the Pharisees, but they were the abusers. Think about that. Jesus was gentle towards wayward sinners, but he was harsh towards those who were oppressing and battering the sheep. Because of Westminster, we are the opposite. We harass and defame those who are being abused, and we praise and honor the abusers. Just like in Jesus's day. Perhaps things haven't changed all that much.
2) Westminster defines superiors as those superior in "age and gifts". This is taken, for example, to mean that children ought to obey adults. But, this is ludicrous. Age doesn't say one specific age, neither does gifts say specific gifts. Age and gifts cannot be lumped together with those in authoritative relationships. They are a different category altogether. Yes! I should respect and honor those who are older and more gifted, but I should respect and honor everyone. I should respect children and I should respect the aged. I should respect the mentally incapacitated and I should respect the mentally superior. Separating them out as a special class having to do with the 5th commandment is neither helpful, nor Biblical.
3) Westminster uses the terms "superior" and "inferior" to refer to roles. As many elsewhere have pointed out, while we can weasel around those words meaning simply stations in life or roles, actions speak louder than words. For example, the Bible says that iron sharpens iron, and that we ought to submit to one another. Matthew 18 does not qualify "brother". This goes beyond correction. There is a presumption that a superior is intellectually, morally and spiritually more advanced. This was a claim of the Pharisees, who rebuked correction due to their supposed superiority. With it goes a presumption of innocence of superiors and guilt of inferiors. Would my child be heard if she said that I was abusing her, or would she be dismissed? Are spiritually abusive leaders opposed or rewarded?
4) Westminster talks about "lawful commands". The RPCNA take on lawful commands is commands that do not require me to sin. That is, commands that are in accordance with the law of God. This is an abusive definition, and we have double standards to prove it. We all know that a policeman must have a warrant to enter my house to search it. So, we are taught. Ask for a warrant. A warrant is LEGAL AUTHORITY to search. But... is letting the policeman in sinful? Probably not. So, we recognize that a lawful command is not necessarily an authoritative command. There is a difference. And we teach that difference - that we only need to obey the government's authoritative command, not commands that go beyond their authority, yet don't require us to sin.
But... when it comes to husbands, elders and fathers, this difference goes out the window. Wives, members and children are taught to OBEY, OBEY, OBEY, unless the command is immoral. If my session wants me to lead the singing. OBEY. If my husband wants me to only wear ankle-length dresses. OBEY. If my father tells me to clean up his vomit after a drinking binge. OBEY. Yet, one could hardly argue that God explicitly gives that authority to the elders, husbands and fathers.
All told, this is much of why the RPCNA continues to maintain an abusive view of authority, why they continue to support and defend abusive husbands, fathers and elders, and why they continue to batter the sheep.
